Markers and Scales

April 21

Every night I hold five markers in my hand:
Gray, Blue, Pink, Green, Yellow
A spectrum of emotion
To track my days

I write down the key happenings:
People I talked to
Movies I watched
Tasks I completed

And I assess: what color is today?
For weeks, I was stuck between grey and pink
Devastatingly sad to numb.

But this past week?
Green every day.
It is a gift, this week of good days
Evidence that nothing is permanent.

April 22

A small step today,
Moving my scale from my bathroom to under my bed

I decide this after stepping on it,
Seeing a number I haven’t seen in months
And I felt sad
And immediately felt mad
Letting a number affect
My mood
My thoughts
My value

I decide it’s time for different metrics:
Every day, did I eat
Some fruit?
Some vegetables?
Some fiber?
Some protein?

Every day,
Did I walk?
Do some yoga?
Maybe lift some weights?
Do a few pushups?

Most important:
Do my jeans still fit?

And if I can answer yes to most of those questions
Then my scale is irrelevant
And doesn’t need to judge me every morning.

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