I’ve been avoiding the blog lately. Not ignoring it, outright avoiding it. Every day I think, “I should write today,” and I start to type in the URL but quickly backspace, shut my laptop, and play Frozen Free Fall on my phone until I run out of lives.
I’m not sure why I’m avoiding it–I’ve been blogging for 12 years, so it’s not like I don’t know how to chop through some weeds and just write, even when I’m not feeling particularly inspired.
But I saw a tweet today with this advice:
When you cannot think: write
When you cannot speak: write
When you cannot sleep: write
When you cannot write: read
I’m reading–I set a goal to read 10 books this summer–so since I cannot write, I am definitely reading.
I’m speaking and sleeping fine, it’s the thinking that isn’t happening all that great right now. Perhaps part of my brain is doing the equivalent of an iOS update and system restart, now that my 15th year of teaching is in the books.
And maybe just forcing myself to write and hit ‘publish,’ even though this isn’t that great of a post, will trigger something in my brain and I’ll write again soon enough.
Twenty-five days ago I planned to blog every day. And I did really well until last week. I did not plan very well, even though in the back of my head I knew the last two weeks would be rough.
Since last Thursday, I have been immersed in journalism adviser duties. When we returned from state journalism at 6:45 tonight, I took a breath and thought, “Whew. Nothing journalism until…oh….”
I forgot our final deadline is upon us.
So many things have fallen through the cracks the past week. I am scatter-brained on a level I can’t ever recall reaching. I’m in the home stretch of the 2016-2017 school year, but it doesn’t feel like it. The end-of-year motivation and focus I usually feel hasn’t kicked in yet.
Today I realized I made a couple of big mistakes. I’m trying to focus on the wins though–literally. Three students placed at state journalism. I’m proud of them and their hard work. And the mistakes? I did my best to rectify them, and I have the hope and promise that tomorrow will be better.
I haven’t been in the building since last Wednesday, and I’m actually looking forward to seeing my students and catching up with them. I’ll grasp at that feeling, make a to-do list, and hope my brain picks up its scattered pieces and starts working right again.
I don’t often give myself days off. Something about the way my parents raised me, to always work hard and what not, makes me feel guilty if I’m not being purposeful. I’ve spent days completely vegged out, of course, but there’s always an undercurrent of guilt on those days.
Today when I woke up, I decided to give myself a completely guilt-free day off. And I have done nothing.
Well, that’s not entirely true.
I watched some episodes of 30 Rock.
I watched some basketball.
I took a nap.
I watched some baseball.
Tonight, I’ll watch more basketball (Go Spurs Go!).
And to mollify creeping feelings of guilt, I replaced my shower head with a fancier one my parents gave me a year ago, and I cut up a pineapple. I’ll take out the trash and maybe tidy up a little before bed. And I wrote this.
But that’s it. Nothing else. Grading and cleaning and classes and writing can all wait until Monday.
Prompt: You wake up tomorrow morning to find all your plans have been cancelled for the next seven days and $10,000 on your dresser. Tell us about your week.
First of all, I don’t think $10,000 will go very far. But here’s what I would do.
Book a flight to New York.
Book a room at the Marriott Marquis.
See the Fiddler on the Roof Revival.
Visit the Sephora on 5th Avenue and buy whatever lip gloss I wanted, regardless of price.
See Something Rotten.
See Les Miserables.
Spend a day at the New York Public Library.
Go to a taping of Ask Me Another in Brooklyn.
Visit all of these shops.
Pretty much a dream week.
The show opens two weeks from tomorrow, and right now I can limp through the entire show, but I’d like to do more than just limp through it. The next two weeks, rehearsals ramp up their length and frequency, plus I still need to practice, and I have to let one thing go if I’m to make it through. So I’m taking a break from writing.
I’ll be back in March, and I’ll pick up a more regular pace. I’ll need to, to get me through the final months of school. But right now, my wrists could use the break from the computer, and my brain could use the break from having one more thing on my to-do list.
Enjoy the rest of your leap month. See you in a few weeks.