So my birthday is Monday, and for two decades now, it’s a day I have dreaded. A day where all I seem to be able to focus on is how much of my life is a disappointment or a failure. A day where, one year, my sister literally had to force me out of bed and then she drove me around while I sulked about another year gone.
A couple of weeks ago, I read Sheryl Sandberg’s book “Option B,” which tackles grief and loss at various levels. The impetus for her book was the unexpected death of her husband. At one point in the book, she shares a conversation she had with a friend who was lamenting turning 50. And Sandberg quietly noted, “Dave won’t ever turn 50.”
I’d been thinking for some time that I needed to make peace with my birthday, much like I finally made peace with Christmas. And Sandberg’s anecdote was the final push. I should celebrate another year in this chaotic world, instead of shaking my fist at the skies that my life doesn’t look the way I thought it would when I was 18.
So here’s my birthday request. There are two parts. First, at some point between now and Monday, do something that you really and truly love, but you’ve either put off or denied yourself. Get two scoops of ice cream. Go on a hike. Read a book. Get a massage. See a movie. Write. Paint. Sing. Lay on the grass and look at clouds. Anything that reminds you how wonderful it is to be alive, do it. Maybe write about it, even, or take a photo of it, just so you can return to that reminder in darker times.
Second, give a genuine compliment to someone you’ve been meaning to praise. Send a thank you note for a comment made at church. Text a sibling how much you love him. Call a friend you haven’t talked to in a while and say, “Hey, been thinking about you.” Connect in a real way to remind you how wonderful humans can be.
I have a few things planned–Jazzercise, hair cut, Sephora, a movie, sushi, and I hope cake at some point. I’ll probably read a little and write a little and buy some flowers.
But most of all, I will relish that I am alive and that as messy and troubling as the world can be, it can also be beautiful and full of love.