Impulsive.

I have many, many flaws. 

I am fully aware–it might be argued I’m aware to a fault–of my many flaws. And one of those flaws is that I can be impulsive. 

To wit: I’d been home from my mission for just over a month, and had been spending a lot of time with a guy I really really  liked. He was incredibly flirtatious, and I can flirt with the best of them, but I quickly grew weary of his all-flirt-but-no-action approach to our relationship. So one night after a run to Dairy Queen that included quite suggestive flirting, I pulled the car over a couple blocks before we reached his house, took off my seat belt, leaned over and kissed the living daylights out of him.
Impulsive? 
Yes. But also necessary.
He needed to put up (out?) or shut up and it was clear to me he lacked the guts (balls?) to make a move, so I did it for him.
Tonight I impulsively broke up with something that’s been breaking my heart for well over a decade: online dating.
For many years, I’ve felt it necessary to at least have a profile up on random dating websites because it’s the only way to meet guys I want to date. Except today I realized, I’m not meeting any guys I want to date. Instead, I’m not meeting any guys at all, and the ones I’d like to date don’t want to date me. 
So without much forethought, I deleted everything. There is a small part of my brain that is screaming at me what a bad idea this is, but my better angels are breathing sighs of relief that the negative side effects to online dating (and let me tell you, they are myriad) are no longer part of my life.
Impulsive? 
Yes. But also necessary.
Online dating is partly to blame for how aware I am of all my flaws, as I try to figure out why I’ve had absolutely zero success utilizing it. And I do a good enough job castigating myself for all those flaws that I don’t need the men of the online dating world making it worse.
For another impulsive decision tonight, I’m hitting the publish button.

One Comment

  1. Our impulsive nature is quite familial. Mine tends to get me in social trouble, like unfriending people on Facebook BEFORE they move away, not realizing they'd notice that 1 out of their 859 friends is no longer there. That is an awkward conversation when they ask you about it. Impulsive? Yes. Necessary? In my mind, possibly. 😉

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