I’m waiting for butter to soften and I have a lot of thoughts rolling around in my head so I thought it’s as good a time as any to write.
1. I was recently approached by a man. He’s 51. And has grandkids. I am not yet 40, and therefore am not mentally prepared to be “grandpa’s special friend.” Nor am I prepared to be called “Nana.” Why, oh why can’t someone my own age like me? That’s right…they are dating 20 year olds. Next thought.
2. I am really quite bad at allowing people to be nice to me. At piano lessons, I locked my keys in the trunk. My student’s mom took me to my dad’s house to pick up my spare house key, then drove me home to pick up my spare car keys.
She was kind and gracious the whole time, and her service was invaluable, as my mom was working at the temple, my dad was heading to church, and my sister was at Costco. Yet my first thought was to give my clients something–cookies, a discount on lessons, spending money for their trip to Disney World coming up–and my second thought was “Why can’t you just let people serve you?” It’s very, very hard for me to accept help, and when I do, I feel like I need to compensate the helpers, even though if the roles were reversed I would scoff at any attempt at payment.
3. I need to rein in my tendency to gossip. With my family, with people at church, with people at work…how much information and what kind of information do I really need to know, and how much more do I need to simply let people do what they do and not worry about it? This talk has been running through my head the past couple of weeks, especially this part:
“This topic of judging others could actually be taught in a two-word sermon. When it comes to hating, gossiping, ignoring, ridiculing, holding grudges, or wanting to cause harm, please apply the following: Stop it.”
I don’t know why gossip is so attractive, so addicting. And yes, sometimes I just need to VENT. Baby steps. Admission is the first step to recovery, right?
4. Television is my enemy. How much more would I accomplish if I didn’t turn on the TV as soon as I walked in the door? Even just turning on Pandora would be a better use of the technology I have available. This summer I have so much to do, and I cannot behave the way I did this school year…I did not have to be so behind on grading, and also probably could have lost a little more weight, if I just spent 30 minutes less in front of the television.
I don’t like the quiet all the time, which is why I turn it on. I get lonely living by myself, and the noise helps me feel less alone. But holy cow, I have been completely unproductive this month. Again, admission is the first step to recovery…
But now I need to make cookies, and grade, and set up my weekend plans. It’s a busy one, with a fro-yo date with a friend and a recital on Saturday, typical church on Sunday, and getting ready for finals in the middle of all that.
Not to mention needing to get in 4+ miles if I’m to stay on track for my 100 mile goal.
Three school days left…
I find it amusing that you think you don't get enough done. Also, I agree with everything else except the no more gossip policy. I'm against it. Gossip is awesome fun.
My thoughts. I almost choked on my spit reading “Grandpa's special friend”. You are hilarious. But I totally get your frustration, too. Men are silly things.
Your inability to allow others to serve is genetic. We are givers, not takers. Maybe it's our Nana's fault? Who knows.
Although as Steuve so eloquently pointed out that “gossip is awesome fun”, I am also trying to curb this, and have been pretty successful here in Japan due to living in a fishbowl where you can't walk 10 feet out your door without seeing at least 5 people you know, who know everyone else and will tell them if you say anything bad about them. It's been good, free therapy, and less painful than shock treatments. I have also found that my lack of gossip has made me more tolerant and less jugmental of others, so that's a nice perk.
And the tv thing is also genetic. But as one of my students tells me, “nothing's gonna change if nothing changes”, so do your best and don't worry. :o)