Dilemmas

I’m not proud that I haven’t blogged here much this year. It’s been a crazy year and time for reflection has been sparse. But here’s something…

Today I attended my first EdCamp. It’s an interesting situation, these EdCamps. Educators from near and far meet in an agreed-upon location and self-direct a day of professional development. I have many thoughts percolating right now, but the one thought that I think I feel most able to write about is some current dilemmas I face.

Dilemma #1: I’m not quite sure where I want to fit in right now. I teach 2 English classes and 3 Comm Arts classes. My passion has always been Comm Arts, yet I feel a sense of duty and requirement to cling to those English classes. I feel guilty that I get to teach these classes I love.

Dilemma #2: I’m not quite sure where I want to fit in right now. I am a tech trainer in my building. I’ve presented about social media use at local and national conferences. But today at EdCamp Omaha, I felt completely out of place. I saw what other people were doing and saying and sharing, and suddenly, I wasn’t sure I belonged. And I’m horrible at networking. I’m just too shy and not good enough at taking risks. It was a big enough risk to just show up to a conference by myself; to ask me to talk to people was just a little too much.

Dilemma #3: I’m not quite sure where I want to fit in right now. I’m editing a book that I wrote–a memoir–and I need to spend time on that, but the grading never ends. And I have moments of panic when I feel like I need to make a name for myself, and other moments when I think I am completely happy living a quiet life teaching these fantastic students that I get to teach every day. And let me not forget the five piano students I adore teaching, but even that is starting to take a toll. Oh heck, it started taking a toll two years ago.

Overall, my first EdCamp experience was quite positive (I’d love to follow the format for our building professional development) but these dilemmas are weighing heavily on me. I don’t know that I’ll ever solve these dilemmas–perhaps they don’t need traditional solutions in the first place. And to be honest, that was the best take away from EdCamp Omaha: it’s okay to try unconventional solutions. 

But first, I need a nap.