“Well, I’m gonna get out of bed every morning… breathe in and out all day long. Then, after a while I won’t have to remind myself to get out of bed every morning and breathe in and out… and, then after a while, I won’t have to think about how I had it great and perfect for a while. “

For Deanne’s benefit, the above quote is from Sleepless in Seattle, and true, it is said by Tom Hanks’ character about his deceased wife and not a brief summer relationship, but it expresses how I feel right now. Getting out of bed hasn’t been a problem, but it’s the last part of the quote that affects me the most, because at the most random times, I am hit with how great and perfect I had it for a while. And that realization causes tears.

I tried all day to tell myself why I shouldn’t be upset about the end of this relationship and instead thought about all the things I wouldn’t have to do–quit my job, move, learn to SCUBA dive–and a friend told me I could be upset. It was nice to hear, because I don’t want to be a drain on my friends’ emotions, so I try to find the silver linings. But I need to be upset for a couple of days, to properly mourn so I can properly move on.

Not that I want to move on just yet, though…

But here it is, 10:15 PM, and for the past three months, this is the time he and I would talk on the phone. And I’m not upset. I have to credit my friend Ashley with that. She came over tonight, we talked through some of what I was feeling, and invited me out. I was hesitant at first, but by the time I got home, I really was glad I went. I feel okay. And when my mind wanders into those great and perfect areas, I quickly back away and start thinking about something else.

Like what I have planned to get me through tomorrow and the weekend, because once Monday arrives, I’ll be able to drown myself in school. Which brings me to this:

“Work hard. Work will save you. Work is the only thing that will see you through this.” –Sleepless in Seattle

One Comment

  1. Thanks for the reference, since, you know, I've never seen that movie. But both of those are highly appropriate and applicable quotes.

    Glad Ashley's got your back. Love you.



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