“Well, I’m gonna get out of bed every morning… breathe in and out all day long. Then, after a while I won’t have to remind myself to get out of bed every morning and breathe in and out… and, then after a while, I won’t have to think about how I had it great and perfect for a while. “
For Deanne’s benefit, the above quote is from Sleepless in Seattle, and true, it is said by Tom Hanks’ character about his deceased wife and not a brief summer relationship, but it expresses how I feel right now. Getting out of bed hasn’t been a problem, but it’s the last part of the quote that affects me the most, because at the most random times, I am hit with how great and perfect I had it for a while. And that realization causes tears.
I tried all day to tell myself why I shouldn’t be upset about the end of this relationship and instead thought about all the things I wouldn’t have to do–quit my job, move, learn to SCUBA dive–and a friend told me I could be upset. It was nice to hear, because I don’t want to be a drain on my friends’ emotions, so I try to find the silver linings. But I need to be upset for a couple of days, to properly mourn so I can properly move on.
Not that I want to move on just yet, though…
But here it is, 10:15 PM, and for the past three months, this is the time he and I would talk on the phone. And I’m not upset. I have to credit my friend Ashley with that. She came over tonight, we talked through some of what I was feeling, and invited me out. I was hesitant at first, but by the time I got home, I really was glad I went. I feel okay. And when my mind wanders into those great and perfect areas, I quickly back away and start thinking about something else.
Like what I have planned to get me through tomorrow and the weekend, because once Monday arrives, I’ll be able to drown myself in school. Which brings me to this:
“Work hard. Work will save you. Work is the only thing that will see you through this.” –Sleepless in Seattle