Fear.

As I mentioned in yesterday’s post, I’m leaving for Orlando soon to present at a national conference. I really wasn’t all that worried or nervous until today.

On my way home from school, I talked to my sister about the anxiety I’m suddenly feeling, and how I couldn’t place why I was feeling that way. I told her that the size of the resort and surrounding area was intimidating, that the hour drive from the airport to the hotel was disconcerting, and not knowing my surroundings was troubling.

Almost in the same breath I said, “But look at what I did this summer. I should not be freaking out about this.” After all, I drove from Omaha to Boston and gallivanted all over New England for five weeks. By myself. Clearly, I am not averse to adventure.

But I think I’ve pinpointed the source of my anxiety: expectation. This conference could very well change my career. It could also not change my career. And I’m not sure which one I really want.

Today, I’m grateful for an ability to carry on despite my fears. I certainly have a dream scenario of what I want to happen this weekend–and it doesn’t involve meeting a guy–but it does involve the launch of my new twitter handle: @MsRowse. It’s my professional Twitter account, as opposed to my personal one where I post stupid things and vent about students occasionally.

If you’re on Twitter, follow me there–it’s open to the public (also fear-inducing and a source of anxiety).

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