Guilt and Relaxation

I woke up not long after 8 this morning against my will. That drapeless, east-facing window of mine streams in a floodlight of sunshine every morning.

I thought of my options for the day: work or relax. Run errands or sit in my classroom. Grade papers or read magazines.

I fixed some breakfast and skimmed the paper, then eventually got up, got ready, tidied up, and headed out–with no real plan.

It was more stressful than when I structure every single second of my Saturday.

Even writing this, I lack organization in my thoughts.

By noon, I had intended to relax and do minimal work, but now it’s 6:30 PM, and I can’t do it. Knowing that I have nothing planned for next week, that I have 47 papers to grade and 53 rough drafts to peruse, knowing that my desk is an absolute nightmare; all this prevents me from actually resting my brain.

I have a church obligation at 7:30, after which I’ll pick up a few groceries and head back home, where I’ll work until midnight, and tomorrow after church, I’ll work some more.

I’ve always struggled with establishing balance, but today was positively ridiculous. I tried to practice balance, and it just didn’t work.

On the plus side: I stopped by my sister’s house, and my 6 year-old niece ran out to meet me in the car. The 18 month-old gave me lots of hugs and smiles. Today wasn’t all bad.

One Comment

  1. I feel the same way about my Saturday… I needed to run 8 miles (didn't), clean my house (still a mess), fold my laundry (still in the dryer… the same place since Wednesday when I washed it), and plan a lesson for YW tomorrow (I'll be up late). I did make it to Target and painted 1/2 our club house. I'll call that working hard. :o)



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