The One Where I Was His Wife

I started to compile my list of bad dates and decided it would be unfair to dwell only on the bad ones. So I decided to share the 5 worst and 5 best dates I’ve ever had. I’m still starting with the bad…

Worst Date, 5th Place
Time: December 2001
Place: A Holiday Work party for my date’s place of employment, at a crazy posh house in Northern Utah

I met Bernie at church and our first date was me on his couch watching Saving Private Ryan on ABC, hands over my eyes for most of it. He was nice enough, but I didn’t really feel anything strong either way for him: didn’t hate him, but didn’t adore him either. I nothinged him.

So when he asked if I’d go to his work party with him, I figured it was a Friday night out and I might as well.

Red Flag #1: He did not ask for directions to the home where the party was, so we drove around Bountiful/Woods Cross/almost Layton for a good hour. I had a cell phone and offered to let him use it; he declined.

We arrived at the party late, the gracious hostess took our coats and announced to the group, “Everyone, meet Bernie and his wife Julie.”

My head slowly turned to look at him, but he did not look at me. Simply put his arm around me and waved.


Just like that, I was Mrs. Bernie.

I don’t know why he didn’t correct her–had he told people at work he was married? Was he up for a promotion and this was the boss’s wife and he didn’t want to make her look wrong? Who knows. I didn’t ask, and I didn’t go out with him again.

It’s not the first time I’ve been mistaken for someone’s wife, and it definitely wasn’t the last. But every other time, the boy has vehemently denied being legally tethered to me (vehemence unnecessary, but whatevs). That Bernie seemed to enjoy being my husband for a couple of hours just annoyed me.

A close contender for this #5 spot was when Gerard made me steak for dinner, and when we were done, pulled out dental floss, flossed his teeth while we watched a movie, then left the used floss on the floor. He did not get a good night kiss.

All names throughout this series have been changed to protect the guilty.

One thought on “The One Where I Was His Wife

Leave a Reply