Holiday Diet Jump Start

If you are looking for a quick and easy way to jump-start your first-of-the-year diet and weight loss goals, I have the perfect fix for you.

Step 1: Four months prior to the New Year, begin a high-stress job at which you spend 60-80 hours a week.

Step 2: Beginning December 1, maintain an inhuman schedule in which you show up at work no later than 6:30 AM and return home some time between 8 and 9 PM.

Step 3: Stop exercising and pay no attention whatsoever to proven nutrition theory.

If you follow these steps, then the next one should happen quite naturally…

Step 4: Spend an entire day in various states of gastro-intestinal failure, resulting in a complete loss of appetite and general aversion to food.

If you time all of this correctly, it should hit you right before Christmas, so all cravings for traditional Christmas goodies will be replaced with a mild tolerance for Saltines and Sierra Mist.

**Disclaimer: this diet has not been through adequate testing to verify results, and as with any diet plan, you should consult a doctor before starting. Although, said doctor will probably refer you to the local psych ward instead of sanctioning this particular plan.**

3 thoughts on “Holiday Diet Jump Start

  1. This is not the sentimental schmaltzy post that was promised.So sorry you are feeling poorly but at least you look hot 😀Merry Christmas baby!!

  2. Yes, the sentimental schmaltzy post was temporarily replaced by a 24 hour bug/food poisoning. But you’re right–at least I look hot. And that’s not just a fever. 🙂Merry Christmas back at ya!

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