Dear Awesome, Amazing, Beautiful Hairstylist,
It is with heavy heart and oceans of regret that I write to you. I should have called you last week, when my hair was first showing signs of misbehavior. I thought I could wait it out. And I really wanted to.
But after Austin Collie dropped his THIRD PASS IN A ROW, the third being actually IN THE END ZONE, I just snapped. I barely recollect exactly how I ended up at the local Hair Butcher, but before I could say “1980 National Championship,” I was in the car and on my way. I left in such a hurry that I didn’t even have lip gloss with me. That’s a sure sign that I was irrational.
The sheer magnitude of what I had brought upon myself by going to the local Hair Butcher hit when, as I was browsing through the hip City Weekly news-mag, a student of mine came in, asking for a haircut. When told it would be an hour wait, he said, “Nevermind,” and left. Which was really a blessing for both of us, because while I have nothing against said student, I am not his favorite person in the world, and sitting in the grungy, fluorescent-lighted waiting area would have been awk-ward.
When he left, dear beloved hairstylist, I noticed what the hair butchers were wearing. Sweats, leggings, frumpy as far as the eye could see. I took a deep breath and kept looking at the price sign. “$13.00” it reassured me…at least if I walked out looking like one of these guys,
I paid a pittance to do so.
But the hair cut wasn’t all THAT bad, although the trauma of the overall experience is seared upon my memory and I promise, promise, promise to never go there again! I only have eyes for you, for you are not a hair butcher, but a hair artist.
My hair doesn’t look anything like any of the members of A Flock of Seagulls, but it’s definitely not one of your creations, either. I’m so sorry I cheated. I’ve never had the stomach for infidelity, and now I know why.
I will see you in approximately 4-6 weeks.
Lovingly,
Jules
How dare you! Do you know how LUCKY you are to have a hair artist that you can love and trust?!? I would give my left eyebrow for the type of relationship you have.I’m just glad you learned your lesson before you went all Susan Powder…STOP THE INSANITY!!!!!I need to write my hair artist and tell her I miss her…moving sucks.
No wonder I love you. You are just plain fun! And you didn’t cheat. You’d totally be acquitted. That 3rd dropped pass was enough to send anyone into a state of temporary insanity. (Or, worst case scenario…blame it on the refs.)
Don’t you know that these things don’t just happen? Nobody just gets up one day and thinks, how can I screw up my hair today? It all starts when you drive a little too slowly by those places and look a little too long at their dirty dirty $13.00 promotional signs. You play with fire man! You play with fire.I have no sympathy and may your hairstylist take mercy on your soul.PS: I’m just bitter cos you have such good hair and I’m sure it still looks fab 😛