Matchmaker, Matchmaker

This woman was on Oprah today. She’s a matchmaker and has a show on A&E, and she spent the last 45 minutes of today’s show telling 35 year old women why they can’t find love.

I turn 35 this year (which doesn’t seem possible) and I haven’t met anyone interesting in a long while. And as I’m listening to Miss Patti tell other women my age why they haven’t found a special someone, I think she’s full of crap. But of course, now she has Pope-rah’s blessing, so Miss Patti must be preaching the Gospel of Curing Singlehood.

I find this show hilariously well-timed, because it’s Super Bowl weekend.

Why the connection between matchmaking and football? Well, because for several years, Super Bowl weekend was the weekend all my significant relationships fell apart. It started in 1990, when at halftime, the boy I was dating told me he was going to start dating a freshman from our cross-town rival high school. We were juniors. He never got over his fascination with younger women. The next year, I had been dating someone else for several months, and Super Bowl weekend was our first break up–our final one was after I’d been at BYU for three months.

And the pattern continued: I would meet a great guy in late summer, have a magical fall and uber-romantic Christmas, and by Super Bowl weekend, it was over. Even though it’s been several years since the last fumble, I’m still so suspicious about it that I don’t even try to meet anyone between August and November.

So it’s only fitting that the Friday before the Superbowl, Patti Novak is on national television hypothesizing that I’m not dressing right or I’m not a good enough conversationalist and those are the reasons I don’t have a boyfriend.

She’s wrong. I don’t have a boyfriend because it’s Super Bowl weekend. Duh.