Shopping at 30,000 Feet

When I flew back to Detroit from San Antonio, I had a problem. I had finished my reading material while visiting my sister. I refuse to buy magazines at stores, because I subscribe to so many of them already and I don’t need the extra mag cluttering up my apartment. I didn’t really feel like buying a book to read, so I loaded my iPod with podcasts and TV shows, and followed my sister’s advice:

“Look at the SkyMall catalog! You can find all kinds of cool stuff in there.”

So I perused the SkyMall catalog, and found some very interesting items available for purchase. First, something I wouldn’t mind having after I make my first million.

I LOVE ICE. This product would give me limitless ice, without the annoyance of having to refill my ice cube trays every day and a half. But $400? That’s a little much. Next item that caught my attention, only because it looked so sad.

Now, when we lived in Montana, in base housing, we had a cat that liked to be outdoors. But base housing regulations mandated that any animal outside be on a leash. So our cat (with the amazingly creative name of ‘Catt’) was often outside on a leash. But he could move around and pounce on bugs or birds; an outdoor playpen just seems sad and a little mean. And finally, what I thought to be the most hilarious item for sale in the SkyMall:

I have many questions about this product. First, why is the beige toilet $109 more than either Cotton or Colonial White? Second, what exactly is “toilet seat slam” and why do I need to eliminate it from my life? And I wonder if anyone, having returned from the airplane’s latrine, looks at this and thinks, “if only I had a heated bidet/toilet seat waiting for me at home…hey! I will buy one!” (Note: the $4,195.95 price above the toilet is actually the price of the SunBrite All-Weather Outdoor TV. I like my TV as much as the next couch potato, but I sure don’t want to be bothered with it if I’m outside! Are we really that addicted to TV that we can’t even sit on a patio or play in a pool without My Super Sweet 16 blaring in the background?)

If anything, I learned from the SkyMall catalog that they make crap for pretty much anyone out there who is willing to buy it. Just you wait…when the price on that ice maker comes down, it’s all mine.